omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
