we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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