i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
