I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
