I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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