JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
