Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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