i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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