Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
