im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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