So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
