my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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