I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
