just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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