Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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