i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
