I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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