call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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