Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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