Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My liver just broke up with me...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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