her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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