The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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