She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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