FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
