i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
