did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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