i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
