It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
