One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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