I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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