I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
