We won't sleep together?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
