yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
