So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
