Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize