i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
