dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
