Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
