My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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