Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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