i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
worst night to have a conscience
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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