everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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