Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
