I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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