I want to have your abortion
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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