All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
