Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
