cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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