I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
