Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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