he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize