you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
