Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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