It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize