She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
