I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
