he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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