Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
