Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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