gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
