Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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