OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
