none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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