What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
