I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
