god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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