Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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