UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Randomize
