If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize