Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
