I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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