All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
