I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
