He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
