I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
