Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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