I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So vagazzling was a success
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
