I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
