I hate your face
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
