i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
