I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
