you guys were way drunker than both of me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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